It's been 6 months and as of 29 July 2016, i ended my contract with The Fullerton Heritage Singapore. During my time there, i injured myself - dislocated kneecap - this resulted in my inability to find full time work for the time being. You can classify me as handicapped because i can't climb a flight of stairs, run, jump, nor walk further than 10 - 15 mins without experiencing pain or what i call "weak in the knees" syndrome whereby my affected leg feels like jelly and might give way any minute.

The team giving me sunflowers while i was away on MC :D

I've always preached on how I dislike people judging before listening to both sides of a story but I came to a realisation that I am have this habit I dislike. When I talk about how people are judgmental and how I dislike it, I myself, am judging them. Wah i must look like a damn fool lah, I bet the people who listened to me rant, must be ridiculing me in their heads because I'm doing exactly what I dislike. 


Oh well, never too late to learn. 

p.s. There is something wrong with this post as i'm seeing two font types. Because i'm a IT noob, pardon this technical error that i can't fix... 

Warning: Lengthy word post ahead.

I don't know how to start this, but i really wanted to pen my feelings down because i feel like i physically can't say them out. 

So, YS and I have officially broken up. We've been together for 5 years and 3 months. 

Background information: 

We had unresolved issues since the end of 2014 up till April of 2015 that's when we decide to take a break. After taking a break, things slowly started to look positive and I was happy that we both were on the same page in terms of our relationship. During mid November of 2015 i decided to surprise YS for his 21st birthday by going back to Singapore (SG) for a week and to also settle some other tasks. I found out something major during the trip back and was completely heartbroken and angry. (No, he did not cheat. One great thing about YS is that he's loyal and gets on better with male counterparts than female.) I still had a lot of feelings for him and felt that this is just a trail for the both of us. Therefore, I decided to go with my gut/feelings and forgave him and try to work things out. 

Even-though i forgave him it's hard to forget. I'm the type of person that if you do me wrong, it'll take me a while to forget your mistake. Issues kept coming up, right till the day when he and our friends were flying to Melbourne to visit me.

During his trip here, we bickered a lot. I personally feel that it's the add up of everything he did. Whatever mistakes he did just amplified tenfold. Also it really did not help that he keeps repeating his mistakes, big or small. After his trip, we did our usual FaceTime catch up and got on to the topic of his mistakes, I brought up what he did wrong during his trip and explained why he should reconsider how he viewed himself and how people actually viewed him. I guess that provoked something and it led on to a verbal insult from him. Whatever he said, hurt me so much; it was like a wound that was slowly healing, it's still an open wound, but it's healing and suddenly, a sharp object pierce through the same wound again. The second stabbing hurts so much more. 

I told him i don't deserve this, and that i'm done. 

I do not care if he used the word "maybe" or whatever caution word he said before insulting me. The insult is still there. Remember as kids, we were so afraid to say a bad word and used the word "example" in the front before saying the bad word? But have you ever wonder why as we grew older, we don't use/care to say it anymore? Because we know the safe or cautionary word "example" is of no use, when you say a bad word, you've said it. It doesn't make a difference if the word "example" was used in the beginning of your swearing remark. 

Well, after 4 years, I've graduated! I'm thankful for the boys for flying down to see me graduate and spend some time together, it's unfortunate Andrew and Nina can't join us, but there's always next time.

Thank you to my Melbourne friends for keeping me sane these past four years, lost some of them but gained so much more. Melbourne would not be the same without you guys.

And of course, my family, mainly my parents for giving me such a cushy life here and back home. The things i have to worry or be troubled about is greatly reduced thanks to them, i really do not know what or where i'll be if you guys didn't decide that i should study in Melbourne. From every bone and nerve in my body, thank you.

Here are some photos of the wonderful day, oh did i mention that i had 200 (Then it became 199) balloons for my graduation?! The feeling of seeing them marching in one by one with a bunch of balloons in their hand waving excitedly at me was so wonderful, i teared. But i could not risk ruining my makeup so i kept them tears in control.

I graduated!

The boys.

Melbourne friends those who were still here.

Family

Sweg.

Everyone (:

More Melbourne friends

Golden ticket to adulthood

Adulthood come at me.

Why I think social media sucks from Essena O'Neill on Vimeo.

If you don't know what i'm talking about, please watch her video linked above. (Update: she took down her youtube acc so only her Vimeo account is available for viewing.)

Essena O'Neill is right to a certain extend. Some points i agree with, some, I don't.

What I agree with her is that social media is fake. Everyone who uses it will know to some extend it is fake, even "clean" accounts are fake. We all show a prettier side of ourselves on social media, like that photo you took at brunch, was it really laid out like that? Or that group selfie you took with your friends, how many did you take to get the right one? How many layers of filters did you use? It's all pretence and we know it. Humanitarian posts or videos on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. are structured as well, you have to edit a video to tug the heartstrings of your audience, or caption it right to pull in people to read your posts.

I agree that everything we post online are carefully thought out because we are wary of our audience who will be judging us through our posts. Sure it takes away, a lot of that physical connectivity we have, that "real" relationship we have with one another when we meet. But social media is not this big scary space O'Neill claims it to be.

Social media, although fake, generates real engagement. What do i mean? Well for starters, if i was not on social media, i would not have read or watched O'Neill's article and video, as a response,  i would not have written this article to share my opinion on this topic, which meant that i would not have engaged in a online conversation with my friends about this topic. Without social media, her words would not have spread, there will not have been talks of support, or disapproval from audiences, which meant that it would not have been a trending topic, which would have result in zero approach from big media outlets wanting to interview her. (I hope you can follow what i'm trying to say)

There is still real engagement with your peers, it's not like what O'Neill said in her video where you lose yourself, and devoid from conversations on "nature, love and life". You still do, in fact, social media opens a bigger network of topics on nature, love and life because you get to read people's thoughts and opinions constantly and from there, form your own conclusion on what you think nature, love and life is or should be about. It's called remixing culture and this is what we as Gen Y are doing.

For her as a social media influencer yes, there is a pressure on making sure you're picture perfect, your life is picture perfect. No one likes to see the ugly side of things and no brand wants you to promote their item in a hideous manner, it's all about perception and how you want to reach to your audience, it's exactly like advertising except on a more relatable and intimate scale.  But, this is the life of a social media influencer, that's O'Neill's career path. Sure, it's superficial, but there is so much more one can do with being an influencer, especially with that network, that amount of people looking up to a influencer. Just like how she did with showing behind the scene captions on photos, and raising awareness to not believe everything you see online.

This is what social media does, it creates REAL engagement worldwide. I doubt one can engage personally with 700,000 viewers with O'Neill's so called "real" interaction.

We now live in an age where online activity + connectivity is everything because it's how we communicate. We are constantly improving our way of life, be it from when the first electric telephone was invented, to now, social media. You cannot totally avoid, online communication for real communication, they are intertwined. What you can AVOID is those accounts that give you this fake presence of what's real. There are TONS of accounts that shows you the beauty of nature that are from countries or places you never even heard of, artists from all walks of life, take photos of their work and upload them online to allow people to appreciate and raise awareness for their presence.

Social Media, is not this big scary black hole where it sucks you in and never spits you out. Social media is a web of connections where it enhances your REAL engagement. There's always two sides to a coin, it's up to you, the audience, the receiver of information, to decide what sort of information you want to receive.

This video is me. It's my life. One may see it as avoiding or being afraid of commitment, to a certain extend it's true. This fear started when I had a terrible nightmare where I owned an amazing dog but totally forgot about it when I left for the summer break. Didn't realise it until I came back to find a malnourished matted up, frail dog. Tragic, I know.

I took that dream as a sign from God to never own a dog if i'm staying alone. So if i move back to Singapore, with my family, means I can own a dog right? Wrong.

My Mom is MILDLY allergic to dogs. Therefore she uses her "allergies" as an excuse and refuses to get one. *scoffs*

This is the oldest: CHIGGLES follow him at @iamchiggles on IG

This is the second, RUBY: she doesn't have an IG

This is the Third: MIKO follow her @mikothepomchitese on IG

Last but not least, the youngest: TARO follow him @dizzytaro on IG

We can be together for hours and not say one word.

We snuggle

There isn't bad times with you.

We listen to each other cause we're a team.

Ma dog-beans <3

Here's me sitting in a very awkward position but playing it cool trying to look all contemporary.

Taro  (Beat's fur baby) in a bee costume. It's the right size, he's just super fluffy.

Yeah, i bought a pair of really pretty sunnies over the week

Napping and waking up to this view. Going to miss waking up to this ):