I question this term friends almost every week. Seriously, What are friends? I may be sociable but, I never really could make a friend stick. I found Nina, Curly, Zhao and YS whom I'm very thankful for. But what about the others who I claim to be friends with? Who are they? I may know you for 3 months or 3 years but who are you? What is the description for a friend?

I smile, make small talk, I say all the things I hear people say to their friends however, I question myself after, is all this just protocol? I say I miss you, I say lets meet. I mean them, but I don't take any action after. Why? I don't know. Also when i think I like you, I think we are meant to be! And as expected the relationship is hot but after a while it dies and back to square one, small talk friends. What is wrong with me or what is wrong with them? Yeah sure, I have your numbers on my phone but I never ever talk to any of you. So why keep your numbers? No, I'm not the kind that will make the first move because it always backfires and when someone does, I get suspicious in thinking they need something due to past experiences. So why have so many phone numbers of "friends" that I don't talk to.

 I don't really like bullshit, falseness and all that jazz. It's a known fact of mine, I guess when I pretend just to make time past that's my alarm going off. Mentally I'm making a note that you're just a hi bye/small talk friend. I can never get into a real conversation with you. Sure, I may share things about myself that may sound intimate but, it's not that I think we're super close that's why I'm telling you, It's because, I'm trying to let you know me and see if you like it or not. Take it or leave it. What is friends? I personally think the term should be called company, not friends. You just hang out and go about your lives when you're done.

When will I ever find friends? Can company be friends? I do not know. They can try and I'm willing to as well, but I do not know. I'm just putting my thoughts to words here.