It's 3.30am on a saturday, I'm reading this book called "We are liars" it's about a privileged family, old money, with a dark secret. It's written from the protagonist P.O.V. and throughout the chapters i've read so far, the protagonist's mum keeps telling her to be normal, because she can and because she is. But really, what if we're just not? 

I constantly think about if i was raised freely, meaning to be able to do what I wanted, encouraged instead of being compared,was not condemned by society thanks to liberated parents, how different I would be like.  

I till this date try to keep a little abnormality in me but I can say as i grow older, that light diminishes, slowly but surely. 

When I look at my sister or my niece and nephews, oh how i wish i can tell their parents, let your child do as they please, do set certain boundaries like drugs and violence etc. but let them have control of what they would like to study, listen to them when they explain things to you, what they like, what they want to wear etc. 

We do not notice this but, we are constantly being compared to this plastic idea of what we should be doing. Drugs and violence I get, embezzling, murder, corruption I understand. But, what about normalities? Like what clothes I should wear, how skinny I should be, how I should look like and WHOM I should like? All these plastic ideals are just making people unhappy. 

I learned to be normal because when I was younger, i was told that talking to your stuff toy was abnormal. Or, when I was 6, I was given an unattainable goal to strive towards to aspire to be a doctor or lawyer just because it makes more money. My tutors in secondary school scold me for being stupid because I had a slower understanding than the other kids. I was ridiculed for being obese, I still am today. 

Just because it's not normal, just because majority of the population are not like me, hence i have to be like them. 

And for what?  It does not make me happy, my self esteem is on the floor getting stepped on by people I love, but because I love them i have to be "normal" In my opinion, it's just utter bullshit. 

Being normal is bullshit because even religion says we are all made individually, we are all different in one way or another. I guess there's a sense of security about being the same or having people who are like you, but it's just oppressing your ability. One's true nature.

I'm in no way putting the blame on my family and people who were part of my growing up process, I do not blame people, I blame society, I blame the ideal and I blame the sheep mindset. 

Maybe if I was not ridiculed as much,  I would not be overweight and have insecurities? Maybe if someone never told me i have to love a boy/man, i would be queer? Maybe if I was not oppressed,  I would have found my one true nature. 

But, at the end of the day, all these are just maybes because, I do not know what it's like to be abnormal anymore. Like in the book, i've learned how to be normal and i'm getting good at it.